Timing is Everything
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Joey/Kelly
1. Chapter 1

In pretty much every way, life was good, he thought as he picked at the edges of the napkin underneath his glass. The move to New York had opened up all kinds of opportunities. He'd been able to snag a job in the photography division of a major newspaper and he'd made great contacts all over the East Coast. He was close enough to visit his family on holidays and on long weekends and you couldn't beat the hustle and bustle of the New York City streets.

There was only one thing missing, he sighed as he took a sip from the frosty beer mug. Fall nights always made him think of her—of how it used to be…of nights spent on the rooftop, looking at the stars, that is if they weren't looking at each other.

All of that was over now. Kelly had long since moved on. He'd seen the announcement in the lifestyle section of his very own paper—he'd even been lucky enough to get an advanced copy…one of the many perks of working for the paper. The headline had been sensational of course, but it didn't make it any less hurtful. "Media Mogul weds New Owner of Westchester Publishing". After that, he'd carefully avoided anything that mentioned either of them. He didn't need to know. But on nights like this, not knowing didn't cut it. She still crept into his thoughts. And tonight, he realized as his blinked to make sure he hadn't had one to many, she was creeping into the very restaurant he occupied.

* * *

As Kelly took a seat, Joey slowly moved towards the bar. Careful to ensure his back was turned towards her, he slowly glanced over his shoulder. She was already ordering, so clearly she wasn't waiting on anyone. Hubby leave her to eat alone, he wondered? Trouble in paradise? What did it matter..he sighed…Even if Kelly's marriage was on the rocks, nothing would change. They were over and had been for years.

The sound of the bartender's voice startled him.

"Don't even bother," he said, letting a small burst of air escape his lips as he swept his cloth across the bar, brushing away some invisible dirt.

"Huh?" Joey replied, confused by the comment.

"I see you looking at the lady over there," he smirked, gesturing towards Kelly. "Lots of guys do…and lots of guys try, but none ever get anywhere."

Joey nodded. "Yeah, well, she's married. I know."

The bartender was silent for a moment. "Yeah, she was….but she's not now. Ever since then, she's been off limits. That woman's like ice."

Before Joey could question him any further, he'd made his way down the bar to no doubt flirt with the leggy blonde who'd just sauntered up a few stools down. Slowly, he glanced over his shoulder again. Kelly did seem different…more serious, less relaxed, almost resigned to a life without joy. At first he'd thought it was the new job, the more serious relationship, the new way of life, but now, after the bartender's comments, he had to wonder. Was something more going on with Kelly?

* * *

Twenty five minutes—He glanced down at his watch. He'd been sitting there twenty five minutes going over all the reasons he shouldn't go over and speak to her. This was a woman he'd loved for years, a woman he'd married, a woman he'd called his best friend though some of the hardest times of his life and now a simple hello required a twenty five minute debate. It shouldn't be this complicated.

With a deep sigh, he stood up. "What's the worst that could happen?" he muttered out loud and turned around to head towards her table.

His eyes scanned the room as his breath left his body in a slow sigh. She was gone.

* * *

Kelly Hawkins sat at her desk pouring over a stack of folders. It had become more and more frequent in recent months to leave the office for the night only to eat and come right back. She told everyone it was because she was so busy—they had after all recently acquired the rights to two major newspapers which was a totally new venture for the company, but everyone knew the real reason she spent all her time in the office. She didn't want to spend it in an empty house.

"Ms. Hawkins," the young woman peered in, before turning out the lights. She smiled at Kelly as she saw her sitting at her desk. "I thought I heard someone in here. I thought you'd left for the evening."

"Oh, I had Claire. I just came back…decided to work on some plans for the new companies." Kelly gestured to the stack of files on her desk. They looked impressive and daunting enough…it was a plausible explanation and it sounded far less pathetic than admitting that walking into her house sometimes started a crying jag that could last for hours.

The young woman nodded. "Do you need anything?" she asked hesitantly. "I was going to go, but if you need me to stay…"

"No…No..Claire. You go ahead. I'll be just fine."

Claire nodded. "Ok. And if it's still ok, I'm taking tomorrow off. My family is going out of town for the weekend and they really want me to come."

Kelly forced a smile. "Of course. Family is important." She felt the familiar lump rise in her throat as she said the words. Everyone said that time would heal—that the hurt would lessen, but each day she thought she felt even emptier inside.

Claire didn't miss the pain that streaked across her face. "I'm sorry," she said softly, lowering her head. "I…."

"Don't you worry about it, Claire," Kelly said, moving to stand and walk towards her door. "You just go and have a wonderful weekend with your family. You deserve it. You do a great job here."

"Thanks Ms. Hawkins," she said as she turned and quickly walked away.

Nodding, Kelly closed the door behind her and held her breath as she heard the footsteps fade as Claire boarded the elevator. Only when she was sure she was out of earshot, did she allow the tears to fall.

* * *

Glancing down at her watch, she drew in a shaky breath.

"Time's up," she whispered to herself. One of her survival tactics as of late had been to limit the amount of time she allowed herself to fall apart…at least for the most part. Ten minutes seemed reasonable—long enough to release the feelings, but not too long to cause her eyes to swell to the point of no return. Longer crying spells led to questions—questions she didn't want to answer.

She slumped back down in the soft leather of the executive chair. Looking around the office, she tried to be proud of everything she'd accomplished. The long hours she'd clocked had paid off handsomely. The company was in better shape than it had been in years and the acquisition of two new major newspapers had garnered plenty of positive media coverage. It was good news all around.

Leaning back, she sighed. Good news didn't mean much if you didn't have anyone to share it with.

* * *

Joey strolled through the hustle and bustle of the news room. Some called it chaos, but he felt right at home in the thick of it. As he took the last sip of his first cup of coffee, he saw Beth walking in, the tray of coffees perched precariously on her forearm.

"Got it?" he said, rushing over to help steady the steaming cups.

"Yep," she said smiling and reaching over to grab his cup. "Black, right?"

Joey nodded. "Guess you know you've finally grown up when you start drinking your coffee black, huh?"

Beth just smiled. "So," she paused as she readjusted the weight of the cups on her arm, "Have you heard the news?"

"What news?" Sure he'd just come in, but no one had called him. Surely if it had been important…..He didn't have to wonder for long.

"We've been bought out," Beth replied, her tone still remarkably upbeat.

Joey sat down as he felt the air leave his body all at once. There were a few words in his business that evoked true fear in him. 'You're fired' were two of them and 'bought out' were two more. New owners meant new rules, new employees, new visions and if you weren't included in those new visions…well then….

"Don't stress about it," Beth said, taking a seat on the other side of the desk. "Actually everyone is pretty excited"

"Really? Why? Who bought us?"

"Westchester Publishing….it's a local publishing house that's new to the newspaper business, but the new CEO is actually well versed in publishing. She was actually the publisher of a newspaper herself years ago and she's been pretty successful in online journalism. The company has really flourished with her at the helm."

"Wow," Joey nodded. "Sounds promising. Has a press release been issued yet?"

"Yep. Actually, we're running a cover story today. Here's the copy."

Joey took the folder from her hand and allowed his eyes to roam the page. For a moment he thought he was dreaming, but the feel of the hot liquid on his hand brought him back to reality.

"Joey!" Beth replied startled, quickly grabbing for napkins and helping to mop up the steaming liquid that now covered his desk. "What's wrong?"

Joey looked up. "This woman," he glanced back down at the copy. "Kelly Hawkins," he voice threatened to give out on him. "I used to know her."

"Really?" Beth continued to mop up the liquid on the desk. "Did you work with her back in Llanview?"

Joey nodded. "You could say that." He sighed. "I was married to her."


	2. Chapter 2

"You were married to her?" She paused for a moment, considering her words. Joey seemed like a really nice guy that liked to have a good time….certainly a reserved version of fun, but the thought of those two as a pair blew her mind.

"Her, really?" she shook her head as she tried to wrap her brain around the thought.

"Yeah." Joey sat in silence for a moment as memories flashed through his mind. "I'm not really sure what she saw in me either," he admitted with a shy smile.

"No," Beth answered quickly, "I didn't mean that at all. I just mean she's so…I mean….everything I've heard about her. She's a good businesswoman, but she's a…."

"What?" Joey leaned forward slightly. Kelly often gave off the impression of a flake, but she was anything but. Perhaps that's how she had become so successful. No one even saw her coming, and if they did, they certainly didn't take her seriously or view her as a threat.

"She's a bitch, Joey." Beth watched his eyes immediately snap to attention and instantaneously regretted her words.

Joey stood, shocked a little himself at how much her words offended him.

"Why would you say that?" he asked, defensively. "You don't even know her. Kelly is one of the kindest people I know. She was always trying to take care of her aunt and her family. She was always thinking about other people."

Beth stared at him. "Maybe that's how you want to remember her."

"No. That's the way it was." He paused, reminding himself to remain calm. Kelly wasn't his anymore and it wasn't his job to defend her character or her honor. "I just don't think you should make snap judgments of people based on what you've read or heard."

Beth shook her head. "Fine," she snapped, more than a little annoyed by his redirection. "You'll see soon enough. She's establishing an office in the building."

Joey watched as Beth left the room in a huff, leaving the copy of the article on his desk in her hurry. He glanced down at the black and white photo. There was something different about her, but he couldn't quite place it. As he studied the picture, his gaze rested on her eyes. He had stared into her eyes so many times, but the eyes he looked into now seemed empty…almost cold. This wasn't the Kelly he remembered.

* * *

"Thank you," Kelly spoke into the phone as she walked over to the fax machine. "Yes, it's coming through now. I really appreciate you getting this information to me so quickly. I'd like to start the week at least knowing who does what at this place."

She hung up the phone and returned to her chair, grabbing a pen from the cup on her desk. Typical jobs for a typical city newspaper, she thought to herself as she perused the typed lines. A solid marketing department, plenty of street reporters, and a staff filled with qualified editors and writers whose degrees and accolades alone were impressive. This should be easy, she smiled.

Turning the page, she swept her eyes over the heads of the departments. These were the people she would be meeting with. Names were important and calling individuals by their names commanded respect. She repeated the names with authority.

"Elizabeth Damsen, Copy Editor, Mike Vause, Advertising, Renee Schultz, Finance and Business, Joseph Buchanan, Photography and Graphics…" Her voice caught in her throat as she said the name. Surely it couldn't be. There was no way.

Quickly she whirled around in her chair, facing the keyboard and began to furiously type at the keys. To google someone's name seemed juvenile, but she knew there would be a mention of it. If he were working for a newspaper, he'd have a byline—a caption…something.

There it was in black and white—his picture in the corner, resolving all doubt. She leaned back in the chair, rubbing her hands over her face. There would be so many questions. She was a shell of the person he knew years ago and she knew it. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to relive it. She didn't want to justify it. She wanted to crawl in a hole and forget it…forget all of it.

The familiar burn returned to her eyes as she reached down into the third desk drawer. Pulling out the overturned frame, she stared at the faces. She was smiling—a real smile…maybe the last one she'd had. The picture was taken the afternoon before it happened. They had been in the park. It was a beautiful day. Greg was standing behind the swing and she was beside him. Ivy sat on the swing, gripping the rope handles and leaning back against both of them.

She didn't want to forget it all, but most days it simply hurt too much to remember.

* * *

Coming in at night, after most of the staff had left for the day, had been part of her plan. She always did this. It helped her get a feel of a new place without hundreds of eyes watching her, judging her, questioning her decisions. Tonight, however, she wasn't making much progress.

The sound of the rain hitting the window served as an all too constant reminder of that night—the night she couldn't forget. She'd seen the therapists, she'd tried the medication, she'd even drowned her sorrows more than few nights, but nothing could erase the memory. Work seemed to be her only reprieve….and sometimes even work couldn't prevent the thoughts from creeping in. It had been a night just like this one. The sounds in her head were as clear and haunting as they were the night they occurred and her stomach began to churn just as it had that evening.

A noise in the bullpen startled her.

"Who's there?" she called out walking towards her doorway.

"Hi, Kel," a familiar voice responded.

"Joey," she breathed more than said. Her lips moved in an effort to say more, but her voice betrayed her. Slowly turning back towards her desk, she lowered herself into her chair.

"I figured you'd be here. You always did like to work when the offices were empty." He smiled at her then, surprised when she didn't return the friendly gesture.

"Right, well. It's quiet. No one bothers you. I like it that way." She knew her response was curt. He wouldn't understand, but she couldn't explain it now. She didn't know if she would ever be able to explain it to him, so it was easier this way—for both of them.

Joey sat silently for a moment, considering her words.

"Look, if uh…if you're through here, maybe we could go get a cup of coffee or a drink or something…you know, catch up…." He stopped speaking as he saw her begin to shake her head.

"No," she replied, her response succinct, her tone matter of fact. "Look, Joey. I'm hoping that both of us working here won't be a problem." She looked at him, ensuring her words were being understood, "but I'm not interested in any sort of relationship."

"I didn't mean anything…I just meant as friends…you know…" He was stunned and hurt. He had loved Kelly with his whole heart, but she had been his friend first and he desperately missed that connection more than anything.

"I don't need friends," she said, standing and walking towards the door. "Not in this business…Now, If you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

It was all he could do to stand and walk the length of the room. He hesitated slightly, turning back to glance back at her as he walked through the door.

"I…" He stopped himself then, alarmed by the serious expression on her face. This was a Kelly he didn't know. One he'd never seen before and one that clearly needed his friendship more than she even realized.

Standing outside the doorway, Joey peered in through the small glass.

"What happened to you?" he whispered out loud.

Kelly pulled files from the door, determined to keep her focus. She couldn't keep doing this. Breakdowns weren't permitted—not in this line of work and certainly not when you've just acquired two new business ventures. She had to be on top of her game.

"Kick ass and take names," she repeated, smiling to herself slightly as she said the words. She could almost hear his voice saying the same words to her. Greg had been her biggest supporter which was part of the reason she was so determined to be successful. She would make him proud or die trying.

* * *

He tossed the covers off his legs with a sigh. The bright numbers of the digital clock seemed to taunt him. 4 am—he'd seen every hour since he'd gone to bed about midnight, in a futile attempt to get some sleep.

Sleep eluded him. All he could think of was Kelly, or rather the person he'd seen tonight that seemed to be nothing like Kelly. She seemed so distant, so cold. His mind drifted back to Beth's words…something had changed her. Something had happened and he was determined to find out what it was.

Kelly sat on the window seat, staring outside at the rain that had now slowed to a slow drizzle. She'd given up on the idea of sleep hours ago and now simply counted the hours until she could go back into the office and occupy her mind.

A few hours ago, she'd walked into the hall bathroom and stared into the mirror, opening the medicine cabinet. The small bottle inside provided only a temporary solution. 'Use them if you need them,' the doctor had told her, yet she had barely taken half of the first bottle in the fourteen months that had passed.

Sleep was a reprieve but it opened up a world of dreams. Sometimes the dreams were replays of things she saw that night. Other times they were her mind's way of imagining what she would have seen if she'd opened the door a few seconds sooner. Sometimes they were worse—sometimes they were versions of her life if that night had never happened. Her life as it should have been- A life where she, Greg, and Ivy were all happy, healthy, and alive.

"Skim milk, two sugar substitutes," he said, cheerful yet slightly hesitant as he craned his head into her office. It was nearly two hours earlier than he normally arrived, but he knew she would get there early and he was already up….In fact, he'd never actually been asleep.

"Joey," Kelly said, sighing audibly. She'd known last night wouldn't be the last time she'd see him. He never was one to give up that easily, but she hasn't expected him to come back and try again so quickly.

"Look," she said, gesturing to the stack of papers on her desk, "I really don't have time for this right now. I have so much work to do. I've got to get ready for the introductory staff meeting this morning and I've got way too much paperwork to get ready…"

"You can spare a few minutes," he replied, handing her a cup. "You still drink it the same way, right?"

She sighed. "Right. Joey, Really, I need to get this stuff finished up."

"Cut the crap, Kelly," he said, suddenly more irritated that concerned. "I know you and you've never come to a meeting unprepared in your life. You've had these papers prepared since yesterday and you know it. Now stop trying to put me off and be honest with me. What the hell is going on with you?"

The room was silent for a moment as Kelly tried to sort through the emotions that raged through her. Hurt, Anger, Fear, Sadness—Anger won out.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she spat, her eyes glistening with tears she willed not to fall. "You have no idea what my life is like? You have no idea who I am now!"

"You're right." Joey scooted closer to the desk's edge. "I don't know anything about you r life. I just know that you're different. You've changed and not for the better. You used to have joy. You used to laugh. Your smile could light up a whole room. What happened to that person?"

"She's gone," she said quietly, standing and walking towards the door. She stopped, still keeping her back turned towards him. "And you should be too, by the time I come back."

* * *

Kelly scanned the copy sitting on her desk—Tomorrow's front page and she was on it. It was the paper's way of welcoming her to the helm and introducing her to the readers. The monotonous biographical information was all present and accounted for, all the publishing accolades she'd received in recent years were in order, and the quotes from various co-workers and friends within the industry all served to complete the ringing endorsement.

As he eyes reached the bottom of the page, she stilled.

"Despite suffering heartbreaking personal loss in recent years, Kelly Hawkins has bravely continued her rise in the publishing world, and has been credited with Westchester Publishing's most successful year ever." Kelly could feel her heart begin to race. Reaching over to the phone, she glanced quickly at the cheat sheet she'd left for herself.

"Yes, Ms. Hawkins?" the cheerful voice of the receptionist chirped.

"Please have Elizabeth Damsen report to my office….immediately." Ending the call abruptly, Kelly took a deep breath. Questions were as unwelcome in her life as pity.

"Hi," Joey said, passing Beth as she barreled down the crowded hallway. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

"I've been summoned," she replied, gesturing towards Kelly's office. "I'm guessing it must have something to do with the copy I left on her desk this morning."

Joey looked puzzled. "You mean the one I read. It was so basic…I mean biographical stuff."

Beth hesitated. "Well, after you and I talked, I kind of felt bad that I'd come down so hard on her, so I tried to flush out the piece a bit. I added a few bits here and there, called a few contacts, got a few quotes. You know, just tried to build her up a bit…maybe make her feel a little more welcome."

"That's nice," Joey replied, softening a bit. It was nice that a least Beth was trying.

"Yeah," she scoffed, "But by the impression Becky got on the phone, she didn't sound exactly thrilled when she called for me, so I'm guessing she didn't get the message." She glanced over towards the closed door.

"Anyway," she paused, glancing back at Joey. "Let me get in there before she calls for me again."

Joey nodded and walked away. Typically he would have reassured Beth—told her that Kelly would appreciate any effort she was making. He would have told her how easygoing Kelly is and how it was almost impossible not to like her, but this time, he wasn't even sure he believed all that himself.

* * *

"Mrs. Hawkins?" Beth stepped into the room cautiously.

Kelly looked up from her files.

"Please have a seat Ms. Damsen," she responded, forcing herself to be cordial and reminding herself that this young woman had no idea what a sensitive subject she'd inadvertently stumbled into.

"I need to talk to you about this copy you left for me." Reaching across the desk, she thrust the copy in Beth's hands.

Beth opened her mouth to speak and was embarrassed when no words came out. She swallowed hard and tried again. "Is there a problem?" she managed.

"Yes. A big problem," Kelly responded, curtly. "Ms. Damsen…This is a newspaper, not a self help magazine. There is no need for a public interest piece on my personal life. I can appreciate what you were trying to do, but I'll thank you to remove any and all references to my personal life."

Beth nodded. "I apologize," she softly replied. "I just wanted our readers to understand how impressive it is that you're…"

Kelly stopped her. "I don't need them to understand anything. The read the paper, they get the news, they continue to buy the paper. That's the goal, Ms. Damsen—nothing else."

Beth nodded again.

"Do we understand each other?" Kelly asked , her eyes narrowed at Beth.

"Yes," Beth said softly. "I'll get this taken care of right away and I'll get it back in your hands for final approval."

Kelly nodded. "Thank you," she replied, forcing a small cordial smile. "I know you will."

As the door shut behind her, Kelly turned towards the wall, exhaling a shaky breath. Had that piece been published it would have started all over again. The loss was difficult, almost unbearable, but coming back to work and seeing the faces—the pity—the uncomfortable smiles was almost worse. For weeks she got phone calls, cards, and flowers. People meant well, and she appreciated the gesture, but all she wanted to do was forget and every gesture, every call, every card was another reminder that her life would never, ever be the same.

"How'd it go?" Joey asked, standing and walking to his doorway as he saw Beth quickly powering past.

"I stand by my previous assessment," she snapped, slamming the copy down on her desk and furiously beginning to type at her computer keypad.

"What do you mean?" He could tell by her mannerisms that he meeting hadn't been a pleasant one.

"She's a bitch, Joey. No matter what you say…there are no other words for that woman. Some people just can't be helped." Sighing deeply, she continued her furious revision on the piece.

Pausing for a moment, she looked up at him again. "But," she said, "I can promise you one thing. I won't make the mistake of ever trying to help her again."


	3. Chapter 3

His head snapped to attention as his hand fell with a thud onto the keyboard in front of him. Glancing at his watch, he grimaced.

"So much for getting anything done tonight," he sighed aloud and started to gather his papers. He was exhausted. When he was at home, he couldn't sleep—all he could think about was Kelly. When he was at work, he couldn't concentrate—all he could do was replay their conversations over and over again. When he happened to run into her, she'd speak, civilly and keep walking. It was as if he was a stranger she'd met in passing.

Picking up his coat, he turned off the overhead light and softly pulled the door closed behind him. Many a night he shut the place down. Tonight would prove no different.

As he turned to walk towards the elevator, he stopped. The warm light from underneath the closed office door caught his attention. It was Kelly's office. Was she still there, he wondered?

As he walked slowly towards the closed door, he considered knocking, but dismissed the thought just as quickly. She'd tell him to go and tonight he wouldn't. Tonight he'd stay. Tonight he'd get some answers. He turned the handle silently, peering inside the office. It was empty. He sighed, reaching up to turn off the light when he heard the muffled sobs.

"Kelly?" he whispered, stepping into the room a little further and looking around.

The noise stopped almost immediately and he heard rustling. Kelly appeared from behind the desk.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, desperately trying to conceal her tears.

"Uh, I could ask you the same question. You know, most people sit in chairs at their desk," he smiled, attempting to inject some humor into the tension-filled room.

"You need to go." Her words were cold and emphatic.

"Kelly," he whispered, moving closer to her. "Please don't ask me to do that. I can see that you're upset. I can see that you're hurting." The sound of his foot hitting papers stopped him and he glanced down at the floor. Bending down, he began to pick one up.

"Leave that alone!" she yelled, placing her hand over her mouth in an attempt to calm herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she saw the look of shock play on Joey's face. "This is just…it's a story that I'm working on and I don't want anyone to see it yet."

Joey nodded. "Ok, but uh you know you're the publisher now, so you really don't have to write stories anymore. You can leave the writing up the staff here." He smiled at her, desperate to see any sign of the old Kelly in her. Desperate in fact, to see any sign of life at all.

"Right," she softly replied. "This one is just…it's personal…it's…" She bit her lip. Not now—she couldn't do this now. Not with Joey…. This time the tears didn't cooperate. This time….they still fell.

"Hey," Joey softly reached out to touch her arm, honestly surprised when she didn't jerk away. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Kelly shook her head. She knew she should tell him it was nothing. She knew she should say that she was fine and that he should go and that she'd see him at work in the morning, but tonight…God….she was so tired of hurting and hiding….She was so tired of being alone.

Slapping the papers down on the desk, she grabbed her coat. "You wanna know? There's your story."

"Kelly! Kelly, wait!" Joey sighed and sat back down at the desk. Glancing down at the papers, the headline caught his eye. "Winter Weather Claims Two Lives".

His breath caught in his throat as he read the first lines of the article….

 _Officials say winter weather conditions are to blame for the fatal car accident that killed a father and his young daughter late last night. Preliminary indicators show black ice as a contributing factor along with decreased visibility and gusty winds. Greg Hawkins, CEO of McMillan Broadcasting and Distributing, and his four year old daughter, Ivey Hawkins were both pronounced dead at the scene._

 _Kelly Hawkins, Assistant Manager of Distributing, could not be reached for comment at press time, but sources indicate she was present shortly after the crash_.

The sound of the tear hitting the paper startled him slightly and he reached up to wipe his eyes. The picture of Greg was clearly a professional headshot, taken for publicity pieces no doubt, but the picture of Ivey was one in a park. The little girl sat on a swing smiling for a picture. Her eyes and smile a carbon copy of her mother's.

He'd seen enough. Placing the papers in her desk drawer, Joey stood and walked towards the cabinet at the side of the room. Pulling the personnel files, his eyes scanned for her name.

He grabbed a sheet of paper and scribbled down the address. She needed him and he needed to be there for her.

* * *

For an evening in early fall, the normally bustling streets of New York City were empty, the crowds no doubt diverted by the rain that continued to plague the city. Joey glanced up at the buildings, pulling his hood over his head and cursing his decision not to take a cab. He wanted to get to her as quickly as possible, but the buildings weren't marked very clearly and the GPS he'd come to depend on was didn't help him when it was mounted on the dashboard of his car.

As he reached a group of high rise apartment buildings, he headed up the steep steps towards the entrance. At least he could ask someone inside for direction, he realized, opening the door and stepping inside. He recognized the name on the front door as he walked in. This was it. This was her building.

The elevator ride to the 7th floor apartment was, the thought the longest few minute of his life, until he knocked on her door and waited for what felt like an eternity for her to open it. When he finally saw the brass handle turn, he let out a deep sigh of relief.

"Kel," he said softly, taking a hesitant step into the room. He was surprised when the door moved with his touch. He pushed it further realizing she'd moved from behind it and was now sitting on the sofa.

Closing the door behind him, he walked over and took a seat beside her. He was silent for a moment, unsure of what to do. "I don't know what to say," he admitted finally.

Kelly turned, looking into his eyes. She desperately needed the strength she'd found there so many times before. It was something about him, something about the way they were together that made it ok…just this time…just this once. She felt his arms wrap around her as she began to sob.

"Here you go," he said, handing her a warm mug filled with tea. "I found some Chamomile in the cabinet."

"Thanks," she whispered. Her eyes ached, but nothing compared to the pain had filled her every day for nearly the last year. "Look Joey," she started, "I didn't mean to…"

"You don't need to explain," he softly assured her, reclaiming his place beside her on the couch. "I can only imagine what you've been going through. Anything you said or did is understandable."

Her eyes burned with fresh tears, "I just…"

"Kelly, it's okay….Really. You don't need to explain anything to me. You feel what you feel. I'm not here for that. I'm here for you. I want to help you….whatever you need…whenever you need it. You tell me. I want you to tell me what happened. I want to know what happened to you."

She looked up at him, her eyes glistening, "You read the article," she managed, her voice already beginning to shake with the emotions that were conjured up by the mere suggestion of the discussion. "You know what happened."

"I don't want to know what some reporter said happened. I don't want to know what the sources said. I want to know what happened. I want you to tell me. If you tell me what happened, maybe I can help. If you talk about it, maybe it will help." He looked at her, aware that the idea was provoking a very emotional response.

"Hey." Taking her hand in his, he brought it to his chest, "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere…not anymore. I'll be here. I just want you to talk to me. I want you to tell me in your own words…"

"It was a night a lot like this," she said quietly. "It had been snowing the night before, but it was just raining mainly that night. I was home from work early because they were predicting a winter storm. Greg had picked Ivey up from school and we were going to have a movie night at home."

The memory made her smile. Greg had introduced her to these quaint family traditions and making these memories with Ivey had become sacred to them.

"I stopped by the video store and picked up a few movies. I called Greg to let him know that I was on my way home and he said he was stopping to pick up popcorn. I told him to hurry home because the weather was supposed to get bad." She paused feeling her eyes begin to well again. "I can't remember if I told him that I loved him."

Joey shook his head. "I'm sure he knew you loved him, Kelly. Don't do that to yourself." Reaching up, he tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "Did he have an accident on the way home? Is that what happened?"

She took a deep breath. "I was waiting for them to get home. I had the movie in the DVD player and everything was ready, but they still weren't home. I kept looking out the window and I was getting more and more worried, so I decided to call him on his cell. He answered and I asked him where he was. He told me that he'd forgotten Twizzlers and he knew they were my favorite so he'd gone back to get them, but that he was almost home."

Her voice trembled as she willed herself to continue. "He said he was almost home," she said, looking up at Joey.

"It's ok," he said, taking her hand again. "What happened?"

"He made this sound. It wasn't exactly a gasp, but it was like he was surprised by something and then there was just noise…..all this noise." Kelly's tears came quickly now as he breathing became quicker and her voice began to break with the intensity.

"I heard Ivey scream….she called out for me, and then there was nothing. There was no sound." Kelly clasped her hands tightly together trying to stop the shaking.

"God, Kelly," Joey was at a loss. How did you help someone with a loss like that?

"They said they hit black ice and lost control. They must have gone over the guard rails and off the ravine," she said quietly. "Greg was killed instantaneously on impact, but Ivey….they couldn't get her out of the car and she….she…"

He wrapped his arms around her, worried that this was too much. Worried that maybe he had pushed her too far. "It's ok," he said quietly. "You don't have to talk about this anymore."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I'll tell you. I need to tell you. You need to know." She took another breath before continuing. "They couldn't get Ivey out of the car and she drowned. My little girl drowned."

Joey felt his own heart break. If his felt this much sadness over a child he'd never met, he could only imagine the kind of pain Kelly was in every day. There were no words. He looked at her as she leaned back against the couch, exhausted after reliving some of the worst moments of her life.

Taking her hand, he simply whispered, "I'm here."

* * *

He couldn't feel his arm. In truth, he was pretty sure he couldn't feel the entire left side of his body, but he didn't dare move. She had finally fallen asleep, probably out of sheer emotional exhaustion, he reasoned and he didn't want to wake her.

As he glanced down at her still tear-stained face, his mind still tried to process the horrific details she'd given him.

"They found water in her lungs," she cried, her words mixed in between sobs. "She counted on me to take care of her and all I could do was stand there and watch the car sink further and further into the water. I tried to go after her, but the police kept holding me back. She didn't know I was there. She needed me and she didn't even know I was there."

"There is nothing you could have done, Kelly. Those people are trained professionals and if they couldn't help her…" He stopped then. The words seemed so hollow even to him. He could only imagine how they sounded to someone in as much pain as she was. "You just…there wasn't anything you could have done."

"I could have been with her," she said softly.

"That wouldn't have solved anything." He reached up, softly brushing away the tears that continued to stream down her face. "That would have just been another life lost. Then you would have been gone too."

"I know," she whispered. "It would be better."

Quickly, and without realizing how sternly he spoke, he grabbed her shoulders, "Don't you say that!"

Kelly's eyes widened in surprise. The last year had been filled with people walking on eggshells. Everyone was so careful not to upset her and to say and do things to make things easier. No one dared say anything against her. Joey's tone and words were the first sign of normalcy she'd heard in anyone.

"Sorry," she said quietly, so unfamiliar with the sensation that she'd almost forgotten how to respond.

"No," he said, pulling back slightly and removing his hands from her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have raised my voice like that. It's just that….I don't ever want you to say that you wish…" He couldn't allow himself to finish the sentence.

Looking into his eyes, she saw something she recognized—a glimmer of something she remembered from years ago. Could they still be there? All the feelings from before…even after all this time? She didn't know, but one thing was certain. With him, she was at ease. He was the one person she didn't have to pretend with…the one person in whose company she always felt safe. Tonight, that comforting presence was something she needed more than he knew.

"Joey," she began, her voice slightly hesitant, "Do you think you could…"

He nodded, stopping her before she even finished her sentence. He wrapped his arm around her, allowing her head to rest on his chest and pulling the cover from across the couch over her.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered, leaning back against the couch cushions as he felt the tension begin to leave her body.

Looking down at her, he could almost believe she was at peace—as if for a few moments the horrible events of the past year were not plaguing her mind. Carefully, he pulled the cover up over her again and leaned in towards her. He allowed his eyes to close and softly drifted off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

His hand searched, even in his slumber, to find her. Feeling nothing, his eyes fluttered open. He sat up slowly, looking around the room. The stark coldness of the décor was lost on him last night. His mind had had been otherwise occupied with a story too terrible for him to have imagined, but this morning, it was too glaring to miss.

This house was cold and unfeeling. Having known Kelly all his life, those were two words that totally didn't describe her. There were no pictures on the mantle, no albums, no signs of a life that was happy and fulfilled. The life that she'd had had been taken from her, and he reasoned, the memories were simply too painful to see every moment.

A noise from within the halls echoed through the empty rooms. "Kelly?" he called, moving in the direction of the noise. "Is that you?"

Small rays of light managed to escape from underneath the closed door. "Kel?" he said softly, standing outside, his hand sitting on the doorknob. He hesitated, unsure of whether opening the door was crossing a line.

Kelly grew quiet. Quickly she stood from her place on the floor. Glancing around, she cleared her throat. "I'll be right there," she managed, trying desperately to make it to the door before he opened it.

Her eyes met his before she'd had a chance to take her first step. "I," she began before feeling her eyes well up.

The room, painted in pale pinks and purples, had a canopy bed with crown shaped pillows and a princess chandelier hanging above it. The castle shaped dollhouse continued the theme and each piece of furniture contributed with jewel embellished knobs. It was truly a little girl's dream. Joey looked around the room trying to take it all in. On one hand, the room was beautiful, on the other, the room hadn't been touched.

"I…I just," her voice broke. She looked around the room and looked back at Joey. "I can't make myself get rid of it," she whispered.

Quickly crossing the room, he took her in his arms and felt her body shake. "It's ok," he whispered. "What are you doing in here?"

She looked up at him. "Sometimes I come in here. I don't know…it makes me feel closer to her….to the things she loved." She picked up two of the small dolls from the top of the dresser. "She loved these."

"I'm sure she did," Joey whispered, his own voice betraying him, "but Kel, she's not….I mean, you know she's not here….this stuff….it isn't her."

Kelly shook her head. "I know. It's just…it's all I have."

"Hey," he carefully took her face in his hands. "It's not all you have. You have me and I'm here now for whatever you need. Ok?"

Her stern demeanor had been the easiest way to fend off the questions, the concerned looks, and most of all the pity. The callous attitude had been a means of distancing herself from others—the easiest way to ensure that no one ever got close enough to her again. Never invest more than you can afford to lose, she'd thought, but tonight, as Joey's hands slowly stroked her face, she found herself drifting back to a moment….a moment when she remembered what it had been like to be loved and to love someone else—and, for a moment, she thought she could have that again.

* * *

He watched as the noodle made its way across the plate for the fifth time. She'd agreed to go with him to dinner, something he'd taken as a positive sign initially, but he soon realized her physical presence was only a small victory.

Reaching out to her, he softly placed his hand on top of hers, stopping the movement of her fork in the process. "Are you gonna eat that?" he softly asked, smiling up into her eyes?

"Oh," she moved her hand, lowering the fork to the plate and leaning back slightly. "Sorry," she whispered. "I just…I guess I'm not really that hungry."

"What have you eaten today?" His eyes scanned her face. She was beautiful without any effort, but it was clear she hadn't been taking care of herself. She looked tired, pale, but most of all sad.

"Enough, Joey," she sighed, grabbing her napkin from her lap and throwing it on the table. "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I don't need a babysitter."

"Kelly." His words came out slightly louder than he intended and he quickly lowered his voice as he noticed he had garnered the attention of several other couples in the restaurant. "Just wait a minute." Carefully, he touched her elbow, pulling her down gently back into her chair. "I'm just worried about you. I…" His eyes met hers. "I care about you, Kel."

Her eyes stung with his words. "I can't…I can't do that, Joey." She shook her head furiously. The thought of ever going to that place with anyone again, of taking the chance of feeling that kind of loss again. She couldn't even fathom it.

"I'm not asking you for anything." Joey spoke slowly, not ever looking away. "It's just a fact. It's not even a decision on my part. I care. I want you to be happy. I want you to be safe. I want you to be taken care of. I'm here to do that and to make sure that you get whatever else you need to make sure you stay happy. You just tell me what it is…what I can do." He looked at her again, trying to read her expression.

She took a breath. It would be so easy to lose herself in those eyes, as she had so many times in the past. She could fall into his arms and let him hold her. She knew what it was like to be loved by this man and it was that knowledge that scared her the most. "I need you to go," she said quietly, forcing herself to look into his eyes as she spoke.

"Kel," Joey began to speak. He could hear the pain in her words. The fear in her eyes as she spoke seemed to scream and he knew that emotion was controlling her words tonight.

She held her hand up, desperate to stop his words—afraid that if she didn't, she'd falter. Looking down at her hands, as she clasped them on the table, she willed herself to continue. "I'll call some contacts I have….in Boston. I'll get you a great position there…or in Pittsburgh….or Chicago…wherever you want. I just….I think it's best if you not stay here. It's not good….It's not good for me…or for you. I need you to go. I need you to leave."

Silence took over the table for a moment.

"No," he said, his voice strong and steady.

"What?" she said, her own shaking. As she looked up at him, her green eyes wide and glistening with tears, she could barely register the fact that he'd spoken.

"I said no, Kel," he repeated. He reached out, touching her hand. "You say you want me to leave….fine. You stand up, take my hands, look me in the eyes and tell me that." He'd swear she could see his heart pounding through his shirt, but he forced his breathing to still. This was a risk—a big one, but one he'd regret for the rest of his life if he didn't take it.

"I…." Kelly swallowed hard. "How dare you," she began, her throat tightening, as her eyes began to burn. She reached up to touch her face with shaky hands. "How dare you challenge me!"

"The Kelly I knew was never afraid of a challenge," Joey smiled. "You want me to go, tell me….but this time, make me believe it…"

Kelly didn't move. In truth she didn't trust her legs to hold her body's weight.

"And," he said, leaning in towards her, "While you're at it, you might wanna make yourself believe it too." He stood then, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a bill. As he placed it on the table, he leaned over, gently kissing her on the cheek. "You call me if you need me," he whispered and quickly walked out of the restaurant.

Kelly sat watching him leave. Slowly she brought her hand to her cheek, and for the first time in more than a year, she smiled.

* * *

She looked around, taking a breath as she took in the room. For a moment, she allowed herself to go back there…back to the times when the room was filled with light and laughter. She walked slowly over to the desk, and opened the bottom drawer. The black album was still there, just as it always was. She'd played this particular game of torture many times, but never for this reason.

As she flipped through the pages, the tears stung at her eyes. She remembered each shot, each memory as if they'd happened yesterday. Each smile, each embrace, each vacation was a permanent part of her now…a part she'd never forget—but, she realized, a part she needed to be able to remember without falling apart.

"That's what I want, "she whispered, her hands running over the picture that always made her pause. The black and white shot of their wedding day. "I want to remember you and smile."

She reached back into the desk drawer, pulling out the box. The thin platinum band still lay looped on the chain right where she'd left it…outshone only by the princess cut diamond engagement that lay by its side. Holding the necklace against her chest, she felt the tears streak down her face.

It had taken her months to take them off her finger and then they moved to the necklace which she wore around her neck. When she put them away, it was a big step. Moving on, she'd told herself, but this, she realized. This was really the big step. This was really what moving on was about. "I have to let you go." She looked at the picture in the album, her voice trembling as she willed herself to continue. "But I need to know that you're ok. I can't just move on…not without your blessing."

She took another breath, standing up, holding the picture against her chest still speaking aloud. "I know that sounds crazy," she laughed a bit. "But I can't do it. I think I could be happy. I think you'd want me to be happy…and Joey…he's a really, really great guy. I love him, Greg." She stopped, regretting her words for a moment.

"I loved you too. I just….I need to know that you're ok with this. Because, I'm still…I still feel like I'm your wife..and…" She couldn't continue, crumbling on the floor as she gripped the album in arms.

She felt his arms before she heard him. "It's ok," he whispered.

"Joey," she sighed, unable to pull herself away from him. No matter how wrong her mind said it was, her heart said differently and, at the moment, her heart needed the most healing.

* * *

He closed his eyes, holding her tight against his chest as he felt her body relaxing. It seemed wrong to feel this right with a person when you knew they were in unspeakable pain. He had always known her—inside and out—and one look into her eyes told him she was haunted, tortured almost. Her pain was real and for good reason, but he had to wonder if his presence was helping or making it worse.

"Am I…Am I making this worse?" He had to ask—but he didn't want to know the answer. If she said no…if she wanted him there, he thought his heart might burst from sheer joy, but if she said yes—if she wanted him to go...he didn't know if he could survive it.

She turned, trembling in his arms. The uncertainty in his eyes was obvious. He was as afraid of hearing the answer as she was of giving it. The truth—the one that made her feel sick inside—was that she wanted him there, needed him there, and loved him as much now as she ever had.

"Why would you ask me that?" she managed, her voice still shaky. "You've done nothing but try to help me."

"I wanted to help you, but I just…" His eyes drifted down to the album that still lay open on the floor. "With all this…I just worry that I'm making this harder on you..that I'm making you feel more guilty or something…"

Taking in a sharp breath, she looked up at him. She had forgotten what it was like to be with him—what it was like to be with someone who could almost look into her soul and see her thoughts.

"Should I be?" she whispered. "I mean, do you think I should feel guilty?"

"For trying to be happy?" He reached out, touching her face and gently brushing away a tear. "No, I don't think you should feel guilty for that. I didn't know Greg, but the way you describe him, he doesn't sound like the type of guy that would want you to spend the rest of your life mourning him. I think he'd want you to live a full life and to be the beautiful, amazing, vivacious woman you are."

"I don't know who she is anymore." Since the moment the car had plunged into the water, she felt like she was treading water, fighting to just keep her head about water, to survive, to make it through each day. She didn't know what being happy was anymore. She didn't remember the woman Joey spoke of, but somehow as she sat here, his warm arms encircling her, she could believe she'd find that person again.

"She might be a little fuzzy to you now, but let's see if this can job your memory" he smiled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. He pulled out the photo, its corners were tattered and the creases and folds had long since begun to wear away at the picture, but the image could still be seen. It had been taken many years ago at a charity event back home.

The picture was just of their faces, but Joey could remember every detail of that night. They had been running the apple bob and Kelly had on cowboy boots, a skirt and western themed shirt, and a red bandana in her hair. He'd never forget that night because he had kissed her—really kissed her, and for the first time, he realized how incredible it was—how incredible she was—how incredible they could be.

Kelly gently took the photo from his hands. "God." She felt a tear escape her eyes as the memories came flooding back. That night…she hadn't thought about that night in years. "It seems like forever ago. That was a different girl."

"Same girl," he whispered. He looked at her, realizing that this moment was like the moment in the picture in many ways. This was their beginning…again. This was his chance to prove to her that they could be incredible together again. He needed to show her that she could have a life, happiness, a family—that she didn't have to live thinking about everything she'd lost.

"We've both grown up," he said softly, checking her face for reaction. The last thing he wanted was to push too hard. If he spooked her now, he could lose her for good. "But you still have that fire…that spunk…that Kelly Cramer spirit. The same kick ass and take names girl you've always been."

She turned around, her eyes wide. For a moment, she didn't trust herself to speak. "What?"

Joey sat still for a moment. What had he said? Was it too fast? Too much? They had been making progress or at least he thought they had…he just wanted her to know how he felt. "I just…I just meant that you don't have to be who you were all those years ago…but the person inside you..that hasn't.."

"No…" She shook her head, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to continue. She stopped, breathing in deeply before continuing again. "What you called me…what did you say?"

Joey blinked. "Kick ass and take names…I just meant…"

She smiled, her eyes immediately filling with tears as relief swept over her body. "He answered," she whispered.

"I'm confused, Kel."

Nodding, she reached out for his hand, "Before, when you walked in, I'd been talking to Greg. I told him that I thought I could be happy with you…that I loved you…and I asked him if he was okay with it. I told him that I needed to know that he was okay because I couldn't move on not until I knew…"

Joey stared at her, his eyes still blank. He still didn't quite understand.

"I asked him to show me…to give me some sort of sign." She smiled, feeling a sense of peace that she hadn't felt in nearly a year. "What you said, kick ass and take names…that was our thing." The memory brought tears to her eyes again, and she swallowed hard and struggled to continue. "That's what he always used to say to me. When you said it….that was the sign."

"So, you're saying.."

"He's ok….He wants me to find love again. He wants me to be happy."

Joey smiled, pulling her closer to him again. "That's all in the world I want for you," he whispered.

"I don't have to look," she said quietly, looking up at him. "I already have it…right here with you."

 **Epilogue**

 ** _Three Years Later_**

"Tell me again why we have two cakes?" He could help but laugh as he surveyed the spread of food on the table.

"One is a smash cake, sweetie. It's tradition. Try to keep up." She giggled as she kissed him quickly on the lips and straightened the table cloth. "You think everything looks ok? I just want it to be perfect?"

"Honey, it's fine. She's one…A French fry would have been party enough for her."

"Not on your life," she replied, her voice morphing into a sing song version as she reached down as swooped the blue eyed baby girl into her arms. "Every single moment is special and we're going to celebrate the right way…aren't we, Faith?"

His lips softly brushed her temple as he stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around both of them. "You're right," he whispered. "Every day is a celebration."


End file.
